


Repossessed

by GoddessofMischief0711



Series: Debt Collector [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Cheating, Children of Characters, F/M, Gen, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Mafia AU, Mafia Boss Bucky Barnes, Panic Attacks, Stockholm Syndrome, Therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-09
Updated: 2020-09-09
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:26:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 8
Words: 10,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26378014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GoddessofMischief0711/pseuds/GoddessofMischief0711
Summary: "You're just like me baby. No matter how much you try to hide it. Rotten to the core. Evil inside and out." He smiled as he entered me.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Original Female Character(s), Thor/Original Female Character
Series: Debt Collector [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1917007
Comments: 14
Kudos: 28





	1. Happily ever after?

June 23rd, after ten hours of hard labor, I gave birth to a healthy, beautiful baby girl. We named her Joy Odinson. Her middle name was Freya after my late mother in law. Her chocolate brown hair and sparkling blue eyes captiavted all around her. My family was complete. Gianna was over the moon to be a big sister, always eager to help with bottles or diapers and wipes. Thor loved being a father. Joy would be strapped to his chest while Gianna would only hold his hand when we went out. You'd never know the girls weren't his biologically. 

Thor and I married a month after I had Joy. Steve was the best man and Sonia and Emma were my maids of honor. Gianna and Joy were in attendance at the courthouse, I couldn't have imagined a better wedding day.

The divorce was finalized by the court as Bucky was in jail for rape and murder. The bastard still wouldn't sign the papers. A blissful year and a half passed, everything was perfect. Thor had moved us to Long Island to a two story home and our girls were happy and healthy. Everyday I fell in love with him more and more. My lover, my best friend, and my savior.

I could never truly get over the trauma Bucky inflicted, cause every time I looked at Joy, I saw him. She was his twin, there was no denying he was her father. In addition to having his eyes, she had that same crooked smile and cleft in her chin.

Thor and Steve had been in D.C. on assignment. My phone rang, our wedding picture flashed across my screen.

"Hi babe."

"Zoey." Thor sounded panicked on the line.

"Are you ok!? What's wrong?!" I reacted to his voice instantly.

"Barnes escaped two days ago. He got his arm back. Go to Emma or Sonia's ASAP. Call me as soon as you get there. I'm getting out of here."

My voice trembled, and I started to stutter.

"Zoey. Focus baby. Pack up Joy, get Gianna and haul ass. I love you."

"I love you too."

I knew he'd come for us. I had his baby and I belonged to him. Well, in his mind I did. It was only a matter of time. I stood frozen in fear, and forced my limbs to move. I ran upstairs and packed bags for us as fast as I could when I heard the door burst open downstairs, the cold January air blew in. Gianna was at school and Joy was in her crib, napping. I froze as I saw him walk into the bedroom. I knew where the gun was hidden, but I just couldn't make a move for it.

I locked eyes with him. My rapist and captor, the father of my child. Bucky.

"There's my girls." He smiled.

His eyes lingered on the crib by my bed. Joy sat up, and whining from the noise. Instinctively, I bent down and picked her up. Bucky walked closer, his flesh hand outstretched to us.

"Bucky. No." My voice shook, tears fell down my cheeks.

"Love the hairstyle baby." My long black hair now blonde and cut short, right above my shoulders.

"Please. Bucky. No." I plead, ignoring his compliment.

"You wouldn't keep a father from his child, now would you?"

"Thor is her-" I started, but my throat was squeezed by his metal hand.

"Just like old times baby. Put her down."

With shaky hands, I did as I was told. Slamming me into the wall, his face mere inches from mine. I kept my eyes closed tightly, refusing to look at him.

"You still scared of me baby?" He chuckled darkly.

Bucky pushed me on the bed, tearing my clothes off. I fought as hard as I could, but to no avail. He placed sloppy kisses on my lips and neck. He stuck his fingers in me, making me cry out.

"You're just like me baby. No matter how much you try to hide it. Rotten to the core. Evil inside and out." He smiled as he entered me.

I jumped up with a gasp, pounding against the arm around my waist as I forced myself awake. My movements startled my husband, who sat up with me.

"Sweetie breathe. Breathe!" He commanded.

I struggled to catch my breath, and Thor handed me my asthma pump. I took a hit, and started to breathe normally. I was still trembling, my face wet with tears.

"It was the dream again wasn't it?" Thor asked as he wrapped his arms around me.

I nodded, as my mouth refused to work. I looked over to the crib, Joy was asleep, her tiny chest rising and falling steadily. That calmed me a bit, I was always afraid he'd take her to hurt me. After all, she was Bucky's child. And when it comes to what he knows is his, he will do anything. There were no depths he wouldn't sink to.

"I can feel his hand around my throat." I cried.

Thor wrapped me in his arms, planting kisses on my forehead. I melt into his warmth, and inhale his scent.

"It's ok honey." He spoke softly as to not stir the baby.

"I'm so sorry." I cried on his shoulder.

"Stop apologizing. You're traumatized, this will take some time."

"Please don't leave me." I begged pitifully.

"I'm not leaving you. Ever. You and the girls are my World." He spoke calmly while stroking my back. Sincerity in his every word.

I didn't know what I did in this lifetime to deserve a man like Thor. I thanked my lucky stars he was patient with me and loved us all unconditionally.

"Go back to bed Thor. I'm going to make some tea, Joy will be up soon for a feeding anyway."

"You sure honey?" His face full of concern.

I smile and nod, while I run my fingers against his beard, and give him a kiss goodnight.

"I love you. Get some rest."

🌙➡🌞

"So it was the dream again?" Dr Strange asked after he took a sip of his tea.

I nodded, avoiding eye contact. I stared down at the carpet ashamed that I couldn't get it together. I wrung my hands around the strap of my purse so tightly, my fingers were turning white.

"Zoey, in order for you to get better, you have to talk about it."

"It was the one where he escaped from jail and came after us. I woke up as he choked me." I lied, just a little.

"I sense there's more that you want to tell me." He raised a eyebrow.

"I can't." I respond in a small voice.

"This is a safe place. You know that."

He always said it, and I knew that. The words were stuck in my throat and once spoken, no one would ever look at me the same again.

"I'm in love with Bucky."


	2. A talk

"After all he did to me, the kidnapping, the rapes and the physical abuse, there's nothing I want more than to hear his voice. Kiss him again. Anything." I sobbed.

"What you're feeling isn't abnormal. You're suffering from Stockholm syndrome."

"How!? I have the love of a man. A fucking good man, no other man would put up with a tenth of this shit. Throughout it all, he loves me and my children. How can I do this to him?! I'm totally fucked up mentally Doc. I'm a fucking lunatic." I laughed sarcastically.

"You're not fucked up or a lunatic. Stop saying that. I have told you that on more than one occasion. You were thrown into a terrible situation and you survived. You got Gianna back and now you're raising Joy. You have got to stop being so hard on yourself." He took another sip of tea after his speech.

"Joy is his daughter too. Am I wrong for keeping her from him? He wanted a child more than anything. All Bucky wanted was a family."

"No you aren't wrong. He may have wanted a family, but he took the choice away from you. Joy is proof that there is happiness that can come from pain."

"He was right you know." I finally look up, my swollen puffy eyes meet with the doctor's sympathetic ones.

"About?"

"He tells me in the dream that I'm just like him. I have the same darkness inside that he does. Rotten to the core."

"How is he right?"

"When I was with him, I hurt Loki. I threatened Wanda. I knew it was wrong, and I did it. I liked it. I could hurt people and get away with it. Everyone feared him. But this evil man, mob boss bowed down to ME. And everyone had to bow down to me cause he was mine. Why else am I still in love with him if I'm not just like him?"

"Seems like you were on a power binge."

"I don't want the power. I want the man who told me his favorite color during our favorite meal. The man who I made love to all night until we passed out from exhaustion." I wiped a tear that fell.

"The same man who killed your fiancé, took your six year old from you and kept her hidden away. Who impregnated you against your will. I don't mean to sound harsh, but Zoey you're not realizing the whole picture." He shook his head.

"I know." I whispered. "I can't help the fact that I still love him." 

"You love certain parts of him. Ignoring or omitting the damage that he has done. What about Thor? Don't you love him?" He raised a eyebrow at me.

"I love him more than my next breath. He's amazing. He's a highly devoted father and husband. Better than I ever dreamed of. Which is why I feel like shit for doing this to him."

"Beating yourself up isn't healing. Zoey, focus on the good in your life. This infatuation with Bucky will leave. Trust me." He gave a half smile.

"Ok." I nodded and wiped more tears.

"I'll see you next week."

Stephen got up and grabbed my hand as I passed him to leave.

"The dreams will go away. It takes time."

"Thank you." I nodded.

I made it to the car, and cried at the wheel. The dreams would never stop. The feeling I had would never stop either. I didn't get satisfaction that Bucky was locked in a cell, caged away like a animal. Well, not anymore. He had a daughter now. He would never know her and she would never know him. It wasn't right. I grabbed my phone and called Emma.

"Hey Em. How's the girls?"

"Fine girl, fine. You know my babies ain't no trouble. How did the doctor's appointment go?"

Without thinking, "I'm still here. He wants to continue with me. Is it ok?" I lie too easily.

"Girl shut up. Go do what you gotta do. Titi Em got them." I heard Joy squealing in the background, most likely at Gianna.

"Thanks. I'll be there soon."

I was already in Manhattan, and Emma lived in the Heights. I put no thought into my actions, strictly going on autopilot. I googled an address and set the GPS. I drove for a hour, finally reaching my destination.

"Welcome to Sing Sing. Which inmate are you visiting today?" A guard asked me.

"James Barnes."


	3. Falling apart

* * *

**_6 months earlier_ **

The backyard was a unicorn wonderland.

Rainbows assaulted my eyes. Pastel colors punched my senses. The smell of sugary treats and the giant birthday cake invaded my nostrils. Today wasn't a day for anything but happiness. It was Joy's first birthday. 

Sonia and Emma by my side, helping me set up. Thor was inside dressing the birthday girl. Gianna was patiently awaiting her friends we invited to the party. All the magic in the air couldn't thaw my heart.

"You ok mama?" Sonia asked behind her watchful gaze.

My response is a nod, not caring if she saw it or not. Most days, I was strictly robotic, my emotions locked away and pushed aside. Therapy was going ok, but it didn't dull the pain in my chest. All of Joy's firsts Bucky never saw and never will. Today amplified that she was his child, her temper tantrum earlier reminded me of Bucky way too much.

"Zoey. Talk to us. Everyone's inside." Emma pleaded.

I didn't want to talk about it. I was tired of talking about it. I felt a pair of hands on my shoulders and jumped, nearly dropping the candy bags I was arranging on the table.

"Sorry!" Sonia apologized with wide eyes.

"It's alright. I'm just stressed that's all." I lied.

"Bitch. Stop lying. You can't lie to us." Emma sucked her teeth.

She was right. I couldn't lie to them. I'd always erupt in a puddle of giggles whenever I tried. These days, I didn't have much to laugh at. I sigh, cause I know they wouldn't let it go. We walked down to a picnic table, our backs to the house. They sat on either side of me, awaiting my answer.

"It's Thor. He treats me like a delicate little doll. Like I'm still a victim. He's barely affectionate with me. We rarely have sex. I _fucking_ hate it. I have to be home with the kids all day. A doting little housewife. I miss working. I miss my old life. I love my kids, it's just that I miss me. My life is so different, I don't know how to adjust."

It's only when you become an adult you realize Prince Charming was a asshole. My Prince Charming kept me locked inside all day. The farthest I was allowed to go was in Manhattan to the therapist. While Bucky's ring was a shackle that binded us together, Thor's ring was a leash, never letting me venture too far. He saved me once, I wasn't sure he'd do it again.

I didn't want to cry. God, I was so tired of crying. But sitting between the two people who knew me better than anyone, how could I not? I wiped my eyes with a rough unicorn napkin.

"Not to mention, her biological father is in jail for rape and murder. I put him there. It's all so much."

"Z, he _belongs_ there. You know that." Sonia empathized.

"I know. I feel bad. She's his kid too. They will never know each other. Her first words were dada and she called Thor. He's an amazing father, I don't know what to do. I'm so ungrateful." I wiped my nose.

Before either of them could say anything else, a gaggle of kids came into the backyard, with parents right behind. All the people who were invited were Thor's colleagues and their families. Thor came in without Joy, I assumed she fell asleep after he dressed her. Gianna ran out with two of her friends frim school, and I smiled and said hi to them while they ran off to play.

I didn't want to have such a large party, I was afraid I would have a panic or anixety attack with so many people around. Thor, on the other hand, wouldn't have it any other way. Another way for him to boast about his perfect family and how he saved his wife from the notorious mobster James Barnes. I heard him on many occasions going on about it. It wasn't his story to tell, but it never stopped him from telling it.

While he soaked in the admiration, I got the sympathetic looks. People constantly telling me how brave I was for raising my rapist's baby. I didn't want the stigma following my daughter and I for all of our lives.

When we did eventually have sex, he'd never force me, but would gently caress my body until I gave in. He was gentle and serene and I hated it. I'd beg him to fuck me, make me feel _something, anything_ and he never delievered. Slow and steady won the race to him. Eventually that stopped, the most affection I received was a burly arm wrapped around my waist at night.

The monotony of married life bored the everloving shit out of me. I had enough excitement to last me ten lifetimes, and I never seemed satisfied. I constantly chastised myself, deeming myself ungrateful and a total asshole. The limbo I lived in was numbing and I threw myself into mother mode. It was the only distraction I could think of.

I felt his vigilant gaze across the backyard. I swallowed the overwhelming urge of a panic attack and smiled for the guests, and welcomed them to our home. Steve was right next to him, watching me and my friends too closely. He and Sonia amicably broke up, remaining good friends. He waved at us, which I did not return. I rolled my eyes at the men, and went inside to wake the birthday girl from her nap, and finding an excuse to get away from everyone outside.

He blocked my entry. "Everything ok?" He asked as I stood in from them to go in the house.

I stopped and sighed, "Yes Thor. Everything's fine. Go mingle. I'm going to get the baby."

Thor grabbed my hips and placed a dramatic kiss on my lips. I heard a few aww's behind me, while I pushed myself off of him.

"Don't play the 'loving husband' bullshit in front of these people." I whispered harshly, getting a eyebrow raise from Steve, who was the only person who heard me.

I stood in the kitchen for a moment, and started doing the breathing exercises Dr Strange gave me when I felt a panic attack coming. Thor's phone was ringing incessantly, and distracted me. I went upstairs, and awoke Joy from her nap, singing 'So this is love' from Cinderella, while she squealed and babbled happily. I straightened out her tutu and put her unicorn headband on, and brought her downstairs.

Thor's phone was still ringing, so I went to the coffee table to see who was calling. I figured it may have been work related since it was constant. The name Jane showed on the screen, she called about six times. I got a funny feeling but ignored it, channeling all my energy into giving Joy the best party she'd never remember.

I thanked God that Emma and Sonia were there with me. Helping me with party games and serving food and later cake, while Steve snapped pictures of the entire event. Thor was floating around, mostly talking to his friends and co-workers.

Joy wanted all her balloons tied to her so she could float like the house in 'Up'. I obliged her, while Steve snapped away. I pretended she was floating, making her scream in delight. Steve kept suggesting more family pictures, much to my annoyance, making Thor stop talking to his colleagues and pose with the girls and I. We posed like one big happy family. Not that we weren't one, but as much as I loved Thor, I started to resent him.

The backyard was cleaned, the girls were down for the night and I was sitting at my vanity. Thor was finishing in the shower, and I waited for him to come out. The nagging question on my mind wouldn't stop, and I just needed a answer.

"Wasn't today such a nice day honey?"

I hummed in the affirmative, while brushing my hair.

"Thor, who is Jane?"

"A friend of mine." He cleared his throat, and got into bed.

Thor brushed me off, figuring I'd leave it alone. Something told me to inquire further, test the waters.

"Oh yeah? Why wasn't she here today?"

"Not sure hon. I'm really tired. Night."

_Now_ he really brushed me off. He never went to bed before me. I got up and went to the door.

"Where are you going?" He called from the bed.

"Make some tea. I'm not feeling too well right now. Go to bed babe. _Love you._ " I smiled as I enunciated the last part.

I went downstairs, and put the kettle on. I sat at the island, and I started to cry. I knew Thor was cheating, but I couldn't prove it. I just had a name. But I could feel it in my gut. 

Strangely, my mind turned to Bucky. Fear was the main feeling I felt with him, I also experienced passion, desire, lust. With Thor, it felt like we were two shells of ourselves, just living on a day to day basis. I decided to forget the tea and left it on the counter. I went into the bathroom across from out bedroom and took the hottest shower I could handle. I imgained my hands as Bucky's and gave myself one of the best orgasms I've had in a year.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now I aint sending no hate to Jane, so please do not drageth me lol


	4. Closure

Last time I saw him was at Rikers, and I was pregnant. They took his arm cause of me and it didn't dampen his mood seeing me. I prayed to every diety imaginable that I was doing the right thing. My heart was pounding in my chest, but I couldn't turn back now, as I was getting searched for any contraband.

Security was cleared, and I was lead into a large room with tables and chairs. I kept my head down, unable stop my shaking. My leather jacket fell off my shoulders, from me not being able to sit still. I cried quietly, wiping my eyes on my shirt sleeve.

"Baby?!"

I could hear the disbelief in his voice.

I couldn't look.

Not yet.

I raised my head slowly, pushing my blonde hair back off of my face. My lip trembled, and my breath hitched in my throat. I was allowed my asthma pump in with me, and I took a hit. My mouth stayed opened at the specimen in front of me.

Bucky was massive, even with one arm. His chest nearly tore his orange jumpsuit. One of his thighs equalled both of mine. His hair and beard was longer, giving him a rugged look. He was still strikingly beautiful. My eyes lingered on those pink lips, I had to force myself to look away.

I gained weight after having Joy, my hips were wider and my face filled out. He focused on my blonde hair after he stared at my body. He then turned his attention to the wedding band on my left hand. He sat down at the table.

We both stared at each other, unable to form words. Two people having dejá vu at seeing the new and improved models of themselves. All the history shared between us in the same breath we both held in.

"What are you doing here!?" He spat.

I flinched at the hostility in his voice, it felt like old times.

"Honestly, I needed to see you."

"See me?! The maniac is still locked away. Isn't that what you told the jury?! Happy now?!"

Tears sliding down my face, "No. I'm not. I'm so sorry Bucky."

"Sorry!?"

I slid the picture I had in my wallet of her to him. Joy's first birthday, dressed in a rainbow tutu, a shirt with a giant number one and a unicorn headband. She was ecstatic, balloons in both hands.

"Her name is Joy.

"

Bucky held it up, tears started trickling down his face. The picture shook in his hand.

"Joy?"

"She lives up to the name. The happiest baby I've ever seen." I smiled.

"She's fucking gorgeous." He whispered.

"Yes. She is. She loves baby shark and when I sing 'My favorite things' from the Sound of Music. She squeals and laughs every time." I sniffle.

"Hows Gigi?"

I looked at him, I wasn't expecting him to ask about Gianna.

"She's great. She started soccer. Straight A student. She loves Joy so much." I gave a small smile.

"You have some beautiful smart ladies." He had a pained expression on his face.

I caught what he said. He didn't say "we". He said "you". He gave up his claim to them. For some reason, that made me cry more. I wiped my eyes and nodded.

There sat in front of me was the same broken man. The hurt in his eyes made my heart clench in my chest. I remember sitting on the sink in the country club seeing the same expression. Hurt, desperation, angst.

"I dream about you. Every night." I spoke lowly.

He lowered the baby's picture and looked at me.

"I do too. For everything I ever did, I'm so sorry Zoey. You deserved so much better. Even after all the fucked up shit I did to you, you're here showing me my beautiful miracle baby." He stared right into my eyes, igniting my body from the inside.

I never expected the apology, but it was very welcome. My heart started to calm a bit. All the terror, fear that he put me through just didn't seem to matter anymore.

"I'm sorry for shooting you. Twice." I winced.

He laughed, and it tore me up inside. I missed his smile. Joy had the same smile.

"You had every right to. Every night I hear you crying. The night you shot me. All the pain I put you through. I feel it every night, I never sleep."

"You tell me that I'm rotten to the core just like you. I wake up when you choke me."

"Rotten? Baby, you can't believe that." He scoffed.

"I do."

"Zoey."

"Five minute warning!" A guard shouted, making me jump again.

We looked at each other, and the spark was back. I couldn't explain it, nor could understand why. I had no explanation as to why I was even sitting there across from him in the first place. I did get some type of closure, but that wasn't what I was looking for.

"Thank you Zoey. Can I keep the picture?"

He was so humble and gracious about it, how could I tell him no?

"Of course you can." I gave a small smile.

A guard came up to us, speaking lowly.

"Time's up ma'am." He gave me a sympathetic look I was all too familiar with.

We both stood, and without thinking, I put my arms around his neck and pulled him close. Bucky froze for a moment before holding me back. It was like hugging solid rock.

"I love you." I whispered in his ear.

I let him go, immediately missing his warmth. His eyes were wide and his mouth agape at my admission.

"You told me to tell you when I meant it."

I walked away, not turning back. I was afraid of breaking down. I felt his stare until I left the prison. As I sat in my car, a strange sense of relief washed over me. I never felt so free. So much in fact, I started to laugh uncontrollably. I hadn't laughed this hard in over a year. My high was killed when my phone rang. It was Steve.

"Hello?"

"You went to see him?!"


	5. The End?

I didn't respond, simply hitting the call end button and throwing my phone on the passenger seat. It rang over and over, and I ignored it.

Steve calling interrupted my thoughts, finally getting some closure with Bucky. 

Would I go back? 

Does he think I'm lying when I said I love him?

My daughters. This wasn't healthy for them. Neither was their father cheating on me, but I wasn't ready to have _that_ conversation.

The wave of euphoria had dissipated, and I pushed it all inside. I was getting the girls soon. Mother mode kicked in, in full effect.

I drove to Emma's, and called her when I was in front of her building to bring the girls down. I knew that way I could avoid any questions, I refused to discuss therapy in front of the girls. We strapped the girls in and I thanked Emma, giving her a kiss and hug before I got back in the car and drove home. I looked at my phone, seeing more than ten missed calls from Steve.

'The man is persistent.' I thought to myself.

I arrived to a cold, empty house. Gianna begged the whole ride home for pizza, and considering I wasn't in the mood to cook, I obliged her. Joy wasn't acting like herself, she was whiny and irritable. I picked her up, and she felt warm. I checked her temperature, she was at 100°. I gave her some Tylenol, and kept her beside me while we waited for the pizza to arrive. Once it did, I set Gianna up and took Joy upstairs to my bedroom. I called Thor, and was sent straight to voicemail. That wasn't uncommon lately, most days I could barely reach him on the phone. Since Joy's birthday his work hours were sproadic, him coming in at a different time every night.

Joy just wanted to be held, and I sat against the headboard, with her in my arms.

"Sing mommy." She whined.

For some reason, this song was the only song I could think of. Rubbing her head that was cooling down, I kissed her.

"Ok baby. I danced to this song with your father. And since you're a old soul like him, I think you'll like it."

I told Alexa to play and sang along with the music. Bucky and I danced to it at the country club.

_Stars shining bright above you_

_Night breezes seem to whisper "I love you"_

_Birds singing in the sycamore tree_

_Dream a little dream of me_

_Say "Night-ie night" and kiss me_

_Just hold me tight and tell me you'll miss me_

_While I'm alone and blue as can be_

_Dream a little dream of m_

_e_

As I finished the first chorus, Joy was asleep in my arms. My phone vibrated, and it was Steve again.

"Yes?" I sighed.

"Zoey!" He started to yell.

"Joy is asleep on me. Keep your voice down." I hissed.

"Sorry. What the hell were you doing?!" He sighed.

"I went to see the father of my child. What do you care? Better yet, how did you know?" I challenged back.

"I get notified when someone visits him. Imagine my surprise when the name Zoey Odinson pops up."

"Steve. I, I needed to. Just understand." My voice shakes.

"I told Thor. I'm sorry."

I sat up, carefully placing Joy in her crib.

"Maybe he'll stop fucking Jane and come home to me. Now Joy is sick, and I'm here alone." 

Bucky came out of me, my attitude very similar to his.

"What? Shit, Zoey. I'm sorry." 

He sounded remorseful, but I didn't care. I was exhausted of everyone treating me as if I was fragile.

"Just stop. I'm not a victim anymore."

I hung up the phone, and tossed it on the bed. The conversation did not need to be continued. I'm sure Thor was livid, and I readied myself for his arrival. I checked on Joy again, she was still asleep and her temperature stayed normal. I moved her to her room across the hall, turned on the baby monitor and got Gianna for bed and took the other monitor downstairs with me. I went down to the kitchen and waited for my husband. A glass of whiskey in hand, at the table. Whiskey became my drink of choice nowadays.

Almost two hours later, Thor came stomping in. We locked eyes from the front door to my seat at the table. I was right, he was pissed and had no problem showing it. I was on my second glass, showing no signs of slowing down.

"You went to see him!?" He roared.

"Yup." I popped the P as I finished. "I'm sure Jane didn't mind. I smirked, but stared down at my glass.

"Fine Zoey! I'm sleeping with her. You're so unavailable! Emotionally, mentally and especially physically!" He stood over me while I sat, his voice echoing off the walls of the kitchen.

I looked at him and I couldn't help the laughter that burst from within me. My grandmother always told me, "Never underestimate a man's ability to make you feel guilty for his mistakes." I experienced it with Gianna's father for years and I'd be damned if Thor was going to blame me for his transgressions.

I wiped the tears from laughing, and looked right at him.

"Thor. You just blamed ME for cheating. Be a fucking man and own what you did. I'm not perfect but I stayed true. I love Bucky."

I stood from the table, ready for the consequences of my confession. I pushed my hair back off of my face, and squared off with my husband. His anger was radiating into the air, but I wasn't scared of him.

He walked right up to me, so close our noses almost touched. "You _love_ him?"

"Thor, let's just let this go. I'm not making you happy and you're fucking another woman. I saw Bucky today in prison. This isn't working any more."

Thor took two steps back, giving me some much needed space. My back was against the cabinets, my hands shaking behind me as I gripped them.

"No. You belong to me." He growled.

Thor closed the gap between us, grabbing me and started kissing me roughly. I fought to try and push him away, but he was just too strong. Thor then ripped my sweater, baring my bra covered breasts to him. I cried, begging him to stop. His hand was in my jeans, trying to rub my clit harshly.

"You belong to me Zoey. Always." He said in between kisses.

"Thor the kids." I tried to reason with him.

"So what?"

I stopped pushing him back, and desperately reached above my head in the cabinet. Thor was insatiable, biting and licking me when I kept begging him to stop. I finally found what I was looking for, and placed the gun I had hidden in the cabinet under his chin. I had four guns hidden in the kitchen and even more hidden in the house. The girls could never get to them, I made sure of it.

The feeling of cold metal under his chin stopped him instantly. He looked at me, and I gripped the gun tighter.

"Zoey. You're not going to shoot me." His voice shook.

"Wanna bet?" I sneered.

"Get out of my house." I enunciated every word.

The sound of the gun cocking made him realize I wasn't fucking around. He backed away.

"Leave the keys." I said as I aimed the gun.

He did as he was told, leaving the house keys on the table. I heard the door slam and I ran to put the dead bolt on. My chest was incredibly tight, I went and took my pump and went upstairs to check on the girls. Thankfully, they were both asleep, unaware of the events that just transpired. I didn't even realize I still had the gun in my hand. I went to my bedroom and called the only person I could think of.

"Can you come over please? Something happened with Thor. Thanks Steve."


	6. Phone call

Even though I had the presence of mind to check on the girls, I didn't realize my appearance until Steve came to the door. Gun still in my hand, I opened it, tears spilling down my cheeks. He came with Sonia, who rushed over to hug and cover me.

Sonia went and got another shirt for me to cover myself. I redressed, while Steve took the gun from me.

"Jesus Zoey. What the hell happened?" Steve asked as they took me into the living room. I rambled, but did end up telling them the incident with Thor and I.

"He what!?" Sonia nearly screamed.

I shushed her, reminding her that the kids were upstairs asleep. She stood, pacing back and forth.

"Z, there is no calm down! He of ALL people knows what happened to you! No fucking way he's getting away with this!" Sonia was livid, and Steve stood and grabbed her by the arms and gave her a stern look.

"We're not here to react. You can act out later. Did you forget Zoey suffers from panic attacks?"

Sonia's shoulders slumped, and she rushed to my side, hugging me tightly. Internally I smiled, Sonia was the one of our trio that would go off, getting us into many incidents and some near fights when we went clubbing. She was outspoken, loud and never took any shit. But seeing Steve rein her in was a sight to behold. That was probably why they didn't work out, but that was anyone's guess.

"I'm ok." I replied lowly.

"I'm sorry Zoey. I didn't know. I never would've called Thor if I knew." Steve looked at me apologetically.

"What were you thinking going to the prison?!" Sonia stood with her hands on her hips.

"Where is he?" I ignored Sonia and looked at Steve.

"He's not answering his phone. But anyone's guess is he's at that woman's house." Sonia shrugged.

"That's fine. I'm leaving tomorrow morning. Joy had a fever, so I don't want to do too much right now."

"Not to mention you've been drinking." Steve motioned with his hand to the glass of whiskey on the table.

I rolled my eyes at Steve, but said nothing. I was so tired of fighting.

"Steve and I are going to stay. Just in case Thor comes back tonight."

"Really? I only have one guest room with one bed, and if memory serves me correctly, you two broke up." 

I smirked at them, it had been so long since I smiled. It felt foreign doing it.

"Shut up Zoey. We're grown. Besides we're here for you and the girls."

"Touche." I nodded my head.

We all went upstairs, Sonia checked on the girls again before forcing me to take a shower.

As I watched the steam rise I stood under the spray, my mind turned to Bucky. You'd think almost three years in prison and losing his arm would make him look ragged, instead my beautiful monster was anything but. Without thinking, my hands rubbed all over my body, remembering how he claimed every piece of me before. I wondered if he'd still want me after having Joy, my body had changed so much. I went from a size six to a ten, since my face filled out, a pair of dimples appeared on my cheeks. The haircut and dye job I did to try to camouflage the old me. Not to mention the episiotomy scar I had from giving birth.

Then my thoughts drifted to the night I fully and truly gave myself to him. He ripped off my pleather dress, leaving it in shreds on the bedroom floor, demanding that I keep only my heels on. I remembered him wincing, cause of those same heels when I dug my feet into his back. He finally let me kick them off when he put my legs on his chest and shoulders. Being on all fours, our bodies molded perfectly against each other, like puzzle pieces.

The scratches I left all over his upper back and torso. The hickeys and bite marks that littered my skin in between his groans and grunts. He said my name like a dark chant, to a Goddess only he knew of. His eyes kept constant contact with mine, sending me to a plane of existence only we could enter.

We weren't making love, it was pure animalistic fucking. I craved it. Better yet I craved him. I needed him, but he was rotting away in prison and that was my fault. There wasn't much that could assuage my guilt. As I reached my climax with my fingers, a idea struck me.

I rushed out of the shower, and ran to my hidden spot in the closet. I opened the memory box I had and dug until I found Bucky's old phone. One of the officers gave it to me after the trial and I never understood why. I was too run down physcially and emotionally to question it. I took notice of her hazel eyes and chocolate skin, with a head of well done micro braids.

I scrolled through the contact list, and saw the name I was looking for. He had quite a few numbers but it was worth a shot. I dialed the first two numbers to find that they were disconnected. The third number actually rang, giving me a semblance of hope. He answered, and still had the same domineering voice, like the pompous jackass he is.

"Well, Mr Barnes. To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"Hi Tony. I need a favor."

📞📞📞

I sat down on the couch, avoiding Dr Strange's gaze. The tension in the room was thicker than my ex-husband.

"Well. I received an interesting phone call yesterday. It seems you went to see James and you kicked Thor out of the house."

"That's _all_ you were told? Typical lying asshole." I sucked my teeth.

"So you never saw James?" He raised an eyebrow in expectation.

"Oh no. I did. He just didn't tell you why I kicked him out of the house. It wasn't because of Bucky."

I took a deep breath, and looked at him. 

"I've known for months that Thor's been cheating on me. When we confronted each other, he forced himself on me. It was bad."

"Well, given your history, that goes without saying."

"No. I pulled a gun on him. He wouldn't stop. After knowing everything that I've been through, why would he do that?!" I looked up to the ceiling, wanting to avoid the doctors stare.

"Is there any reason why you never told me before Thor was cheating on you?"

I bit my lip, and shrugged.

"Because every man I've ever loved hurts me in some way. We live together but we live separate lives. Because every time I have a nightmare I beg him not to leave me. I'm fucking pathetic."

Dr. Strange gave me a stern look, and I mouthed a sorry to him.

"How was the visit with James?"

"He apologized. He actually showed remorse for what he did."

"How did that make you feel?"

"I told him I loved him."

Dr Strange said nothing, his look urged me to continue.

"I know. I know! This is the opposite of healing. But I went with my gut and I don't regret it."

"Are you going to see him again?"

I could've told the truth, but at the cost of losing my children, I stayed shut.

"I don't know."

"What about Thor?"

"I'm leaving him. We haven't been happy in a very long time. There's no point dragging it out. If he had to find comfort in another woman's arms then I'm obviously not enough for him."

"Maybe he's not enough for YOU." He smirked.

I smiled back at him, wiping a stray tear.

"I need to discuss something with you Zoey."

"Ok."

"I've always believed closure is a myth. With that being said, I want to sit down with you and Thor. Get it all out in the open. You both need a clean slate to move on and come to terms with everything. Have you considered how the girls will react to him not being there anymore?"

"I haven't, but I refuse to raise my children in an unhappy home. If that was the case Gianna's father and I would be together. I'll do the sit down."

His alarm beeped, signaling our time was up. I stood, and shook his hand as I walked by. His hold lingered, making me stop.

"If you need me, call me please."

"I will."

I made it to my car, and took my phone out of my purse. I had a few missed calls. Thor, Sonia and one from a unsaved number. I called it back.

"Bout time _baby._ " He sneered.

"Sorry was busy."

"I secured everything. It all goes down this week."

"Thanks Tony."


	7. Plans in motion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again to everyone who takes the time to kudo, comment and read, thank you so much!!! My little black heart is overfilled! There's one last chapter after this

"Hi Tony. I need a favor."

"Well, well, _well!_ I never expected to hear from Mrs Barnes again. What can I do for the queen of New York?"

'Sarcastic asshole.' I thought bitterly, but I kept my cool.

"Help me break Bucky out of prison."

"Whoa! Aren't you the one who put him there?" He cackled like a schoolgirl.

Nothing would've made me happier If I could reach through the phone and wring his neck. But I needed the cocky shithead.

"Well, things change. Name your price." I kept my voice even, and sure.

I remembered my performance at Bucky's meeting. Show no fear, don't let the men think they can walk all over you. Bucky chose me for a reason. He knew I could handle whatever these assholes threw at me. I would make my love proud of me.

"Oh I couldn't accept money from you. Consider this a freebie. I'm a sucker for love." Here came that stupid giggle again.

"Tony. I have not the time nor patience for this. If you can't help me-"

"I never said I wouldn't help you. But this is an interesting development. Let me relish in it for a moment."

"Yeah. Yeah." I sucked my teeth.

"I have a few mutual contacts that I can call. Are you positive about this?"

" _Tony_." My tone left no room for arugment.

"Ok. I'll make some calls, and get back to you."

"When?" I asked with attitude.

"Soon my Queen. Soon. This won't be long. We must keep love alive!"

I hung up as he did his annoying giggle again.

I sat in the car, adrenaline coursing through my veins. The conversations I had with Tony were irritating, his alpha mentality always tried to dominate but I never backed down. Going toe to toe with Bucky trained me for it. Tony was living in Wakanda, safe from any extradition treaties with the United States.

When the matters of payment were discussed, Tony wouldn't accept any money. Or anything else, for that matter. He simply stated that he was a sucker for love and we needed to "keep love alive." I rolled my eyes when he said it. I never told Tony I was in love with Bucky, but I guess me asking for help to break Bucky out of jail was compelling enough.

Now there was the matter of this sit down with Thor. I didn't want to see him anymore, but I did agree to the session. I had to speak with Tony again, that way I could establish an alibi just in case anyone caught wind of my plan. 

I also hadn't talked to Thor, and honestly didn't have any desire to do so. That didn't stop him from calling however. Over twenty missed calls since this morning.

I had neither the time and especially not the patience to listen to his voice. I had shit to do and I was not letting anyone or anything stop me. I pulled out of the parking lot and drove uptown. It was around lunchtime, and I had to pay a old friend a visit.

"Hi Clint."

Clint walked into his condo and saw me sitting on his desk. The color drained from his face as our eyes met.

"Zoey? How did you get in here?"

"Forgot about all the times you sent me here? Pick up and drop off dry cleaning and "important files"? You still use your birthday as an access code. 61882 Not too smart."

"What are you doing here?"

"You know why I'm here. Sit down."

"Actually I don't know why. Enlighten me."

"You embezzled over ten million dollars from my husband and others and the IRS is only aware of three. You and I both know I could blow the whistle and those little eighteen months you spent in Club Fed will become a lifetime membership. Unless you do something for me."

Clint's face went even paler, and he adjusted his tie off of his neck.

"What do you want?"

"Private plane. One way."

My phone buzzed. I read the one word message to myself and looked at Clint again.

"Friday."

Clint sighed, "Done."

I went home to the girls, who were with Sonia and Steve. Sonia was packing our things for us to stay with her. Joy was running rampant all over the house, terrible two's were setting in early. She was Just like her father, she hated being told "no."

We loaded our suitcases into the cars and headed for the Bronx. I was so happy to be home. I missed the sirens, the yelling and the loud music playing.

After I got us settled in to Sonia's spare bedroom, I finally texted Thor back.

"Wednesday. Dr Strange's office. 9 AM."

I turned off my phone, and laid down with my girls, Joy on my chest and Gianna laying beside me. Sonia came in to check on us, and we shared a smile to the girls snoring, using me as a pillow and body heat. I mouthed a "Thank you" to her and she blew me a kiss and closed the door.

I spent all of Tuesday getting some personal matters in order. Bucky's phone rang, and I answered it assuming it was Tony.

"Hello?"

"Hello Zoey." A woman spoke.

"Who's this?" I asked full of attitude.

"We've met before. I gave you that phone you're talking on. Tony informed me that you've finally come to your senses."

The pretty cop with the microbraids.

"Bucky isn't the only one we are freeing. My brother is in Sing Sing with him."

"Tell me what I need to do."


	8. Dream a little dream of me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My most gracious thanks to everyone who took the time to read my work! I appreciate it so much! Stay safe everyone❤❤❤

It was a ugly, cold Wednesday as I arrived at the doctor's office. Dressed in a black sweater, jeans with thigh high heeled boots, I looked like the femme fatale I knew I could be. I sat on one side of the couch while we waited for Thor to arrive. 

Not only did Thor arrive, so did Jane. I knew it was her. She had on Thor's plaid shirt and paired it with jeans. She was pretty, tall and slim with long brown hair, greenish eyes and fair skin.

"Thor, did you bring your mistress?" I smiled at them both.

"I'm sure if your precious _Bucky_ wasn't in jail he'd be here too."

"Wow Thor classy." I did the Nancy Pelosi clap.

"She just wants to make sure it's over between us."

_"_ Is there seriously any doubt!?" My eyes darted between both of them, annoyed beyond belief.

"Jane, this is between the married couple. Please sit in the waiting room."

Jane said nothing, she just looked at Thor and walked out, closing the door behind her.

"Well that settles it. That was all the closure I needed." I stood.

"Zoey. Please sit."

"Fuck ALL that! He came with her!" My Bronx accent echoed off the walls.

"Thor. You have no explanation for this?"

"We've haven't been happy in a long time. I think we was only staying together for the kids. I know how fragile you are, and I couldn't live with myself if something happened to them because of you."

"You'd think I'd hurt MY kids?" I asked in disbelief.

"You're unstable Zoey."

"And you're fucking another woman." I spat.

Thor sighed, and looked away.

"Dr Strange, with all due respect this isn't working. If he wants to play the blame game, he can. Let's just get the divorce papers and be done."

Before anyone could say anything else, Jane walked in again.

"Steve keeps calling. It seems urgent." She looked at Thor.

I grabbed my phone off of the table and flipped it over. I always kept it on silent, out of respect. I had missed calls and texts from Steve too.

"I'll call him back later." Thor answered in an annoyed tone.

"Steve? What's wrong?" I rolled my eyes at Thor.

"There was a riot in the prison. Bucky's dead. T'Challa too."

I couldn't formulate words, only tears came. Dr Strange ended our session, telling Thor to get the papers ready while I handled Bucky's death.

I called Sonia and Emma and informed them of the situation. I drove up to Sing Sing, Steve told me as his ex-wife, his body would be released to me. I was escorted to the wardens office, my mind buzzing and my face blank.

"Mrs Odinson, thank you for coming. I know this is difficult." The warden said sympathetically.

"Can I see him?"

"Normally we don't allow it, but I'll have a guard take you."

"Thank you."

I felt no emotion as I walked to the infirmary. Bucky was on a table, partially covered by a sheet. I reached in his pocket and took the picture of Joy I gave him. It had started to crack, probably from him holding on to it frequently. I bent down and kissed his cheek, my tears slid down his face.

"Send him to Frank Bell funeral home. In Brooklyn." I looked at Helen.

I spoke to her as if she was a stranger and didn't help Bruce bring me back to life.

"He'll be there shortly."

She stood close to me and spoke softly. "Everything's set up. The Tetrodotoxin B takes forty eight hours to wear off."

"Thank you." I walked out of the office and back to my car.

Sonia and Emma handled the girls while I spoke with the funeral home. I made arrangements for that night, Bucky would be cremated, no funeral or service. I would pick up his ashes on Thursday.

The girls made a giant fort in the living room, trying to distract my thoughts with Disney movies, popcorn and pizza.

Thursday afternoon, I sat on Sonia's couch with Bucky's urn in my hands. Steve walked in fuming.

"You just cremated him!? No funeral!? Anything!?"

I stared straight ahead, so much depended on my next move. I didn't answer him, instead clutching the urn tighter.

"He's mine. Now I can have him with me always."

Steve started to yell, something about closure and saying goodbye, but I just sat with the urn.

"Steve. Stop its done." Sonia grabbed him. 

Steve hugged her, tears falling from his eyes. I felt incredibly guilty, but I never faltered.

"I'm sorry Steve." I whispered.

That night, Sonia stayed with Steve, who was mourning his friend's death. I sent Emma home, promising that I was ok and for her to get some rest herself. Thor didn't call, and I was glad for the space.

Around five AM, I packed my SUV with our belongings and the girls. Bucky's urn was beside me in the passenger seat. I left notes for Sonia and Emma, expressing my eternal love and appreciation for all they ever did for me and the girls. I smashed my phone, and broke the SIM card for good measure. 

Gianna woke up, and I knew a long, honest conversation with her was needed. She deserved to know the truth.

"Mommy? What's going on? Where we going?" She asked sleepily.

"Gianna, mommy needs to talk to you. I need you to listen. Ok?"

"Ok."

"I know I haven't been the best mommy to you lately and for that I'm so sorry. I haven't been right mentally. I need you to know no one comes before you and your sister. Thor and I aren't happy together anymore and we are breaking up. We don't love each other anymore."

"I heard you crying and telling him to stop. He hurt you. I pretended to be asleep."

I sobbed, "Oh God, baby I'm so sorry. I never wanted you to hear that."

"I know mommy. You love Bucky."

My vision was blurry, I wiped my eyes and I looked at her from the backseat. How did a near eight year old know?

"Don't cry mommy. I'm with you forever."

Joy was still passed out in her carseat while Gianna and I had our heart to heart.

I drove to Teterboro, and saw the plane waiting at signature aviation. Helen and Bruce were there to see me off, promising to finish the plan for me.

"I still think you're crazy, but a promise is a promise. I'm doing this for you." Bruce said as he hugged me.

The DA wanted every person even associated with Bucky to serve time. In my heart, Bruce nor Helen did anything wrong and saved my life. During the trial I never used Bruce or Helen's name in my testimony. I was asked if I knew who the doctor was who came to my aid and I always said the same thing.

"I don't know."

Shuri was on the plane waiting for us. I sent her to make sure Clint held up his end of the deal, and to scare him just a bit. Turned out Shuri and T'Challa's family had royal ties in Wakanda, and we didn't have to worry about much once we got there.

After a 13 hour flight, we landed in Lagos. I used Bucky's phone and checked the local news. It was reported that my car was found, crashed off of the turnpike, three bodies inside but were burned beyond recognition.

The funeral home I used was shady as Hell. I gave the director $500,000 to use three bodies and give me ashes in a urn.

Tony had obtained a ride for us to Wakanda, and we made our way to our new home. And that's just who was waiting for us when we arrived in the City.

"You actually did it! Barnes chose a tough cookie!"

Here comes the laugh again. Only this time, his laugh was cut off by my fist to his cheek.

"You talk too much."

**A year later**

I stood on the balcony, admiring the lights of the big city. The warm breeze passed by, comforting me. My hands grabbed the railing, holding myself upright. I hummed a song, and stared up at the stars. A large pair of arms enveloped me, and started to hum along with me. His touch raised goosebumps over my arms and neck. I leaned back against his broad frame, and happily sighed.

"Can't sleep?"

"Yeah. Did I wake you?"

"I missed you. The beds cold without you."

"I'm coming back. Heartburn kept me up."

I turned to face him with a pout, giving the most miserable expression I could manage.

"Aww baby, why didn't you tell me?" He purrs, and pulls me closer, resting his head on my shoulder. I inhale his scent, as if I'll never have it again.

"Cause it's your fault I'm in this agony and you know it." I smile against his skin.

"Come and get some rest baby. The girls are already on their way here."

"Gigi and Joy are going to be so excited to see their aunts and Uncle Steve."

A wail pulls us apart. I start walking to handle Joy, and he gives me a look that tells me to let him, so I do. He picked her up, rubbing her back gently and kissed her forehead. Joy calmed, and fell back asleep. I went to Gianna's room, she was knocked out, her leg hanging off of the bed. Her tiny snores made me giggle.

"Probably a nightmare." He said after putting her down.

"Gianna went through the same thing when she was her age."

"We're going to have another one waking us up at all hours? And you let me knock you up again?" He feigned shock, and gave a bright smile.

"Shut up Bucky. You know what you were doing when you knocked me up again. It worked. You got your boy." I smiled and rubbed my seven month belly as I sat with my back against the headboard.

Bucky crawled towards me, his black and gold arm reflecting the soft light in the room.

"I didn't hear any complaints from you when we made him."

"Oh I could never complain." I smiled at him.

He pulled me into his lap, my belly brushing against his abs. His hands rested on me, searching for our son inside me. My hands are on his shoulders, as we stared at each other. My platinum ring with the large diamond snug on my swollen finger.

"You wanna feel him?"

"Please."

I rub the side of my belly making the baby stir and move inside me. Bucky's eyes lit up with such happiness, I couldn't help but smile at him.

"I love you."

"I love you more."

_Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you_

_Sweet dreams that leave all worries far behind you_

_But in your dreams whatever they be_

_Dream a little dream of m_ _e_

**Author's Note:**

> Aight I know I said I wasnt writing for a while, but I wrote this a while ago. Sorry I guess? Lol


End file.
